Dear Hollywood….
I know the economy is in a bit of a state, and there’s a fair chance a new war will erupt in the middle east any day now, but quite frankly this week it will take something much bigger than them to beat the most depressing piece of news I’ve received in a while, and that is the fact that Top Gun is turning twenty-five. (If you’re not familiar with the movie, it’s a tender love story between a man, his best friend and a plane. There also might have been a girl in there somewhere too).
At the risk of seeming like a slightly over dramatic 39 year old who is desperately fighting growing old, or ‘up’ for that matter, Hollywood how could you have let this happen? Surely there should be some sort of rule where when any movie involving a childhood heartthrob reaches the age of say ten, that we all agree to never speak of its original release date ever again? I bit like the Labour Party and Gordon Brown. I really think this could be a win-win situation. All we the audience have to do is promise to do is pretend we don’t notice all of the nips and tucks our ageing pinups have had while all Hollywood has to do is end their fascination with releasing commemorative boxed sets which only serve to remind us our glory years are behind us.
Although that said, after a quick trawl back through history, I’m not exactly sure 1986 should be described as ‘glory years’. After all it was the year millions of us became addicted to Neighbours on the BBC, 500 million of us watched Prince Andrew marry Sarah Ferguson at Westminster Abbey, and Channel Four received complaints from nearly that many people for broadcasting the first advert for a sanitary towel ever on British Television. No wonder a movie featuring semi naked fighter pilots has been so fondly imprinted on our brains.
So as an entire new generation of people line up at American cinemas to watch Top Gun on the big screen for it’s (whispered) ‘25th Anniversary’, I say damn you Hollywood, damn you for making me wonder just how old all of my former teen pinups are. Furthermore damn you Google for making it so easy to find out! If you’re a child of the mid 80s you might want to turn the page now, because discovering that Tom Cruise and Michael J Fox are both getting ready to celebrate their 50th birthdays is a shock you really don’t need. Nor do we need to know that The Hoff ( who, just to be clear was only on my pinup list in his Knightrider years), is edging towards his 60th. Tom Selleck, the only man to ever look good in a Hawaiian shirt, is celebrating his 66th birthday, and worst still, my final ‘hottie’ Harrison Ford is not far off his 70th birthday! OH – MY – GOD, I can remember my grand dad being 70.
Forget about the need for speed, I feel the need for stiff drink.
